Self-Loyalty As a Form of Self-Care
Written by Catherine Metz
You may have heard by now, but self-care is an integral part of the development of the self. We learn that if we don’t take care of ourselves, our emotional and physical health suffer and our relationships can become strained, among other effects. Self-loyalty is a way we can practice self-care through abiding by our values and needs.
There’s a lot of reasons people don’t practice effective self-care. Some people are die-hard perfectionists, feeling the pressure of the expectations put on us (by oneself and/or others). Many people are people-pleasers, feeling a sense of anxiety around the idea that someone else might not like them or be disappointed in them. Others have learned to navigate the world in a particular way in order to “stay safe”, something that might have been really useful at some point in life, but isn’t working so well for them now. Many people will find themselves abandoning their own needs and values for the sake of another.
Self-loyalty addresses just that. It is a commitment to abide by our own well-being, needs and core values. For those of you concerned that this might be “selfish”, it really ends up being in service both to you and to those around you. When we take good care of ourselves and stay loyal to who we are, we’re better able to show up for others in a genuine and authentic way. This includes being clear on what your core values are, setting appropriate boundaries, practicing self-compassion and more. Dr. Richard Schwartz discusses the eight Cs of self-leadership, which include: calmness, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness (more on this in another blog). These are in service to self-loyalty, and therefore in service to self-care.
Maybe you find yourself wanting to address the parts of you that are really hard on yourself. You might be managing your expectations of yourself and others, recognizing a disparity between the two. You might be someone who shows up for others as often as you can, but find it hard to do the same for yourself. Maybe you’re ready to address that anxious feeling you’ve been having every night before you fall asleep (if you can fall asleep), worrying that you didn’t “get enough done” that day.
Addressing the role self-loyalty can have in our lives becomes foundational in building ourselves up and healing old wounds. We can strengthen the love and care that we have for ourselves in many ways through self-loyalty. Start with asking yourself the questions below:
Is there a difference between the way I show up for myself and the way I show up for others?
What’s the cost of not showing up for myself?
What do you value the most in life? Are your actions aligned with these values?
If breaking generational cycles is one of your goals, how can you model to the next generation self-care and self-loyalty?